One Battle Down...But Who's Counting?

This past Friday I had my first immunotherapy treatment. It is my first step on this uphill fight against my aggressive form of Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I normally don't like to view cancer as a battle though because even if I reach remission, the fear and anxiety of it returning will always be a little seed planted in the back of my mind. It's like that with all cancer patients. I experienced this myself last December when I finished my chemo because the doctor told me initially that it was all I was going to need to be "cured". People tell us survivors not think about it and to just move on with our lives when we are done with treatment...like it's the end of a book. But when you finish a book that took up so much of your time or thoughts, you don't want to put it down. You'll be thinking about it and remembering all the parts that stood out to you the most. It stays with you. It changes you.

Going to this appointment on Friday I felt confident and strong. I had the same team of nurses from my last chemo experience there for me. It felt more like I was going in for my Masters degree in dealing with cancer instead of just round two. So I wasn't really afraid and knew what was coming. It was an even easier experience than the last chemo since instead of ABVD (4 drugs), I just had the one (Brentuximab). However, despite all the confidence going into this, I knew that this was going to be the first step into a battle that will never really end. And I'm ok with that. It's either I learn to live with this anxiety or accept a death too soon....the latter not being an option. There is so much to live for in this beautiful world that I can try look past it and just take one day at a time.

I will admit, I did get a bit queasy at the thought of all the possible side effects of this drug. A lot of them were the same as the last chemo I had, but not all of them. There is a good chance I could lose sensation in my fingers and toes and can experience a fever for the first 24 hours after each of my treatments. Thankfully both of those didn't happen this time around and all I really experienced was a bit of fatigue which is very normal. No nausea or mouth sores to date, but I did get a lovely blush shade on my chest, shoulders, and face because I forgot to wear strong sunscreen. Drugs like that make your skin super sensitive (whoops...I'll remember next time that's for sure). My bad.

Overall I left the infusion center feeling very much normal actually...which is great! The last thing a cancer patient wants to feel like is someone who is lame or can't do anything for themselves. Cancer patients want to be active and feel like their life isn't any different than someone being productive. They want to be a part of something and want to socialize. We want to mingle, communicate, and laugh. And my motto in life is a quote by Charlie Chaplin: "A day without laughter is a day wasted!"

So I have come up with a brilliant idea...I don't have much to spend but I want to make "Happy Bags" for kids in the Pediatric Oncology department at this nearby hospital. If there is one thing I love to do is bring smiles and laughter to kids who need it most...who need to know that they are loved. I have so many ideas and want to try to make it a weekly thing while I'm doing my immunotherapy...before I myself have to go into the hospital. I'll post more about this in my next blog post when I have all the stuff I need. Stay tuned!!!