On my way over to meet up with her, I got stuck in rush hour traffic, literally moving at 2 mph. Listening to the soundtrack of Midnight in Paris, I started tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. A pang started increasing on my middle finger where I was pricked before my PET scan. The stupid nurse at the time tested the very center of my finger which was now bruising and super sensitive. Suddenly, I started to wonder if the results had come in yet. They say no news is good news, but the anxiety I felt was increasing. In the standstill traffic, I eagerly commanded Siri to call my oncologist's office on speaker phone.
After a few rings I got a hold of a nurse and after explaining to her my reason for calling, she asked for my medical record number. As I started reciting my memorized label I heard a click and silence on the other end. She hung up on me.
Thinking she might have accidentally pressed a button, I commanded Siri again to redial. A few more rings and a different nurse answered the phone. Before I could explain what happened she told me there was another patient ahead of me and to hold. Hesitantly I said ok...my mistake. As I sat there in the sluggish traffic with the agonizing elevator music playing on a loop, I started to notice a GIANT rain cloud creeping over me. I literally sat like this for 30 minutes before anyone bothered to pick up my line...only to be told that my oncologist wasn't in his office today and they already left a message. At that moment the downpour hit.
By the time traffic started moving again the thunderstorm started to calm down. When I finally met up with my friend, all that was left from the storm was the muggy humidity. Despite the heat, we went out for lunch and toured a local library for books...I had to get some more material and inspiration for a book I'm trying to write. After I dropped her off at her house and was about to head home, I decided that since it was the 14th of July, I would treat myself to a crepe at a little french restaurant...as is tradition in my family.
It was around 7 pm when I started heading home when, in the middle of Edith Piaf singing in the car, my phone went off. It was a call from my oncologist, Dr. Oh. There wasn't anywhere to pull over and talk, so I had to hurry and find a parking lot to listen to his voicemail...it couldn't possibly wait until I got home. I came up to a building that used to be my old pre-school, pulled into a parking space, and frantically reached for my phone. Dr. Oh's meek voice excitedly came over the car speakers...
"Congratulations Miss Madeleine! The PET scan results are back and although the lymph nodes are still there and haven't changed much, there is no longer any cancerous activity. It's a metabolical success!"
I wanted to scream with excitement! I never thought I would hear this. It's a temporary remission but remission nonetheless!
"I will contact Dr. Meade at Johns Hopkins to see what to do to begin the transplant process and will be in touch with you when I hear from him. Enjoy your weekend!"
"I will contact Dr. Meade at Johns Hopkins to see what to do to begin the transplant process and will be in touch with you when I hear from him. Enjoy your weekend!"
I was so excited that for the remainder of the ride home I had the windows rolled down and screamed "I'M CANCER FREE!!!" every other mile.
It was truly the best Bastille Day I've ever celebrated. Not only do I get to look towards a possible finish line, but now I get to bypass the clinical trial altogether. Admittedly, I'm a little disappointed since I did this stupid hormonal therapy for absolutely no reason. Now the real battle begins. These next two months I will be mentally preparing myself for the battle of a lifetime. I will most likely be jumping straight into my transplant the day after I return from seeing family in France. I will be inpatient in a hospital on my birthday and spending Thanksgiving and Christmas in Baltimore, fighting to stay alive.
I don't know how many visitors I will be allowed to see (let alone the fact that my friends live far away and are busy). I'm also struggling to find a/some caregiver(s) for the 6 months I will be staying in Baltimore. Neither of my parents can financially afford to take off work for that long amount of time and both my siblings are in school....but I will ultimately cross that bridge when it gets here. For now, I just need to focus on my strength physically and mentally. The finish line is there and I can feel it. I want to move on. Whether it's life or death...I don't even care, as long as I get there. My will to live has been renewed since my last post...so despite the odds, I like my chances.
