Fifteen Minutes Of Pure Terror

This morning I went in for my final pre-transplant appointment, where I got my radiation measurements done, as well as attending a class with one of my nurses to go over the dos and don'ts for these upcoming three months. It started out a little rough as I was once again reminded of the dreaded radiation appointment to come. Fortunately the doctor I saw today was very reassuring and told me not only will I be on strong anti-anxiety meds, but I can play some music during the half-hour session to make things more comfortable. After a teary moment, I seemed to come to terms with it especially since it's only one day and apparently a very low dose of radiation.

Next was the caregiver class that my mom and I attended. We went over my schedule as well as how to take care of my catheter which I will get on Tuesday. Everything is approaching so soon and although I'm prepared, I'm still pretty anxious...mainly because I just want it done and over with. It all seems to be coming together. So to celebrate the pre-transplant testing being done, my mom took me out to grab some dinner. All was well until we arrived at the restaurant.

Just as I sat down at a booth, my phone was going off. I answered the phone to my sister in a panic. My sister, as I've mentioned before, is my donor; a complete match for this bone marrow treatment. So the moment I heard her voice I knew something was up...and the words I heard out of her mouth sent my own mind into panic mode. "They are postponing the transplant!! They need me to do more bloodwork at the last minute and therefore the transplant has been postponed a week!"

My first thought was "No...No....Absolutely not...NO!" So after reassuring my sister that this will be sorted, I called the coordinator (who happened to also leave me a voicemail on my phone with the same notification). My hands were shaking as I was waiting for her to pick up. It's a bit of a blur recalling what I said to the lady when she answered, but I know I told her off. I said it was incredibly unacceptable since I not only scheduled everything with caregivers and agendas, but my life is literally on the line and I cannot push the transplant back any further than the set date. For example, if I did, I would have to redo the PET scan which will most likely show some minor growth happening (since I haven't had chemo in over a month), and that would mean I'm no longer eligible for transplant. So the coordinator told me that she would make some calls to see what she can arrange and get back to me.

Fifteen minutes passed in sheer terror...I could sense I was already on the verge of a panic attack. I'd come so close and so far...there was no way I could put off the finish line now. Those fifteen minutes were not only the longest in my life but the scariest. It actually put my phobia of radiation into perspective. One could even say God was testing me to see if I truly wanted to proceed with a transplant...and HELL YES I DID!

Finally, I got a call from the coordinator telling me that although the phlebotomy station that usually does bloodwork is closed for the weekend, she managed to persuade the transplant clinic to squeeze my sister in to have blood drawn bright and early tomorrow morning. This means the bloodwork results will be back JUST IN TIME for my first treatment next week. I was so relieved that I don't even remember how the conversation ended...all I could think of was "I cannot believe this just happened..."

So after a good meal and a stop off at the pharmacy to pick up a giant box of transplant supplies (literally a box)...I managed to get home with a sense of relief. My mind is a little more relaxed, but my heart is still racing. That could have been the worst news ever if they hadn't figured out a solution and postponed the transplant. Hopefully, with a good night's rest, the shock will subside. Onwards and upwards, right?