Just as I posted my last blogpost, I received a call from NIH. It was a call I was hoping never to get. Despite the screenings and tests I have already gone through...I was told I can't partake in the clinical trial after all. Apparently they need me to be on hormonal therapy with my gynecologist for 6 MONTHS before I can be on any clinical trial. So after all of the processing, tests, scans, the mental preparation of the upcoming month.....I'm told that it was all for nothing. I was ready for it and on the eve of the first biopsy with the trial starting on Monday...I'm told I can no longer do it. And the doctor even had the nerve to say "Oh I understand how upset you are".....I actually started to yell back on the phone. No they don't. They don't understand that I waited a month to hear from them after finding out my cancer was practically terminal and that this was my only hope. They don't understand that I said yes to a clinical trial knowing full well it could potentially speed along death in the hopes that I might live. They don't understand the impact this decision has had on my family and how it was literally the only prayer answered...now taken away. I am a mix of so many emotions right now and I can't even compute it all right now. I need time but I don't even have that. I have already sent a message to my oncologist to see if there is ANYTHING I can do and begged for help. I will even travel to the ends of the earth for an answer. But this is the biggest setback I've ever had and I feel incredibly hopeless.
So please disregard that last post...it means nothing now.
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