On The Doorstep Of Transplant

At the start of last year, I honestly never thought I would make it to this point. So many times I was told that the odds were against me, that my cancer was considered incurable, and twice I was given a 5-year life expectancy...it would have been insanely easy to give up. There were moments where I thought I was going to, and that an early death was inevitable. There were even moments where my body was visibly breaking down and I felt like I was already at the end of the road. However, after making a very bold and daring move, I've received a miracle...an unlikely remission and the potential for a cure. After two and a half years of 4 chemotherapies and one immunotherapy, I'm at the doorstep of the final round...bone marrow transplant.

Tomorrow is my last pre-transplant appointment where I will be told one final time what to expect, what to do, and what not to do during the next 3 months. I start the transplant process on the 13th when I get a catheter put into my chest. The following 5 days after that I will be receiving chemotherapy to completely diminish my white blood cell count, followed by one day of total body radiation to deplete my bone marrow and immune system altogether. Then finally, the 20th of March...transplant day. My sister will be coming in to donate her bone marrow and give it to me the same day. The purpose of this transplant is to obtain a new immune system that will recognize my cancer as foreign and destroy it.

Yes I am imagining my sister's immune system as an army of daleks...

Afterwards is the start of a long recovery, hopefully. I will be staying across the street from the hospital and reporting there every day to be monitored for at least 60 days. This is to make sure I don't get sick and to also prevent any side effects from my sister's immune system taking over (there is the possibility of her immune system seeing healthy parts of my body as foreign and can try to destroy it...fun). I will be writing in here about any changes, updates, and experiences I might encounter during my stay in Baltimore.

The end result is the part that is entirely up in the air. I've been told that my odds are anywhere between 30-50% that I will be completely cured...however, my transplant doctor seems very optimistic as I've been shown to defy the odds before. I also have a complete match with my sister so I have a chance of a better outcome. However, I've also been warned that if the transplant doesn't work or the cancer comes back within a year from the 20th, there is really nothing left for me in terms of treatment. I've currently exhausted all possible chemotherapies and immunotherapy treatments. Now, if I relapse within 1-5 years then there is the possibility of other treatments becoming available for me, especially clinical trials. If I make it to the 5-year mark, the odds get better every year that I have been cured.

But no matter what happens, I am determined to fight to live. My wanting to go back to school and work only fuels this. It's going to be a very difficult 60 days, and the treatment I will be enduring leading up to transplant is horrifying to think of. Radiation, for instance, has been a major phobia of mine since I first heard about it when I was a child. I know it's painless and non-invasive, but just the thought of destroying my body with something invisible while being aware of it is extremely unsettling. I also don't look forward to having a catheter sticking out of my chest and maintaining it for the duration of my stay in Baltimore. But if these things are necessary to live...then I have no choice but to put my faith in it and endure.

So I will spend these last couple days mentally preparing myself, listening to my "fight playlist", and spend as much time appreciating the small things. I look forward to bringing you all on my transplant journey as well, so stay tuned for more!!