Before I begin this post, I'd like to apologize ahead of time if my thoughts don't sound too coherent. This is mainly because I am still physically and mentally drained from my recent immunotherapy treatment. I will try my best to convey my thoughts in either words or my lovely little gifs. Haha!
As I stated in my last post I completed my first immunotherapy treatment. It took hardly any time at all and thankfully I had no adverse reactions. Little did I know I was dealing with a raging storm on the rise.
Unlike standard chemotherapy which is a series of toxic drugs that kill both cancerous and healthy cells, immunotherapy specifically targets your immune system and reprograms it to kill only the cancer cells. In order for this to work, your body normally reacts as if you got a really bad case of the flu since your body is working double time at killing cancer cells. Luckily the only "flu-like" symptom I've experienced is fatigue...but WOW did it hit me like a giant slap in the face.
When Monday came around I went for a dental cleaning....apparently it's mandatory I get checked out before my transplant. As soon as I came home from that I seemed to have passed out on the bed and slept through the entire day. I woke up around 1 am when my mother came home and she asked why I was awake. I told her my lack of activities today and she asked how I was going to sleep through the night. I simply responded "like this!" and passed out again.
I slept through the whole night and woke up at 11am just in time to get ready for my first follow up with my oncologist. I was so out of it that morning that I came to my appointment with some major bedhead and had a giant sweater on in 75 degree weather to cover up my embarrassing sunburn...I was not in the mood for a lecture on sunscreen. My doctor proceeded to tell me that fatigue is extremely common and I should be feeling better by the end of the week. Then she said something to me that caught me totally off guard....if all goes well, I only have 2 more infusions of my immunotherapy before I go in for my transplant process.
We're still looking at potentially mid to late August when I'll be entering the hospital...so soon. Everything seems to be happening so quickly especially since most days I've spent inside with not much to do (rainy weather and all). What's worse is I don't even want to stay cooped up in the house all day. I'm 23 and I want to go out, travel, meet new people, work, go back to school...MINGLE! When I explained this to my doctor she told me that it's very common to feel that way. She told me I should go to my "young adult" support group, but I don't even feel like I can connect with anyone there. I'm the only 20-something year old and everyone else in the group is in remission. Then there's the fact that I can't really hang out with my friends as much because most of them are graduating and moving on with their lives. I don't want to bother them with something they can't really understand. And the times when I'm actually invited out to places by friends, happens to be the time when my body feels so dead to the world that I apparently look like an extra from The Walking Dead...and I'm forced to turn it down.
Obviously this past week has been taking a very emotional toll on me. The fact that I'm going into this transplant without really knowing what will happen and with only my immediate family to visit me in the hospital when they have the chance...it's very hard to take in. But the thing keeping me going strong is actually this blog. I've received quite a bit of feedback from you all and it has prompted me to keep writing more. I've been able to reach out to people like me, and by enlightening them about my story, we share a comfort that we aren't alone. The joys of having technology are in abundance. And it's through technology that I will be able to communicate with people and mingle when I'm alone in a hospital room. I take comfort in that and feel confident I can get through it...even though I fear it. Knowing this, I feel prepared when taking on this transplant.
Every cancer story is different because everyone faces it in their own way...but no story should be taken lightly. Every cancer story is a trial and a hardship for not just the patient but everyone around them. It's just another reason why I decided to write this blog...not just to show the strength and experiences I have...but to also display the weaknesses and fears that a lot of other cancer fighters face. Some people may read this blog to come to the realization of what family members, friends, and peers who have cancer are going through...others may read it to know that they are not alone....because you aren't alone.
