The Shock

It's been about two years since my last blogpost and I haven't really had any sort of reason to either resume or start up a new blog...until now. You know how after having such a rough year, you find the pieces falling back into place in your life and you think "FINALLY...I can breathe again". Well I truly wish that was the case here. This is my story...my journey with cancer. Now I don't want this to be some sad and depressing story...no...I'm going to fight this battle but at the same time I'm going to remain upbeat and positive. I'll be documenting my best and my worst moments with some flare on the side...cause who doesn't love a little humor and sarcasm? So let's get this show on the road then.

 2015 was proving to be quite an impressive year for me. I went into it with two part time jobs and by the time spring rolled around I was already tackling my first full time position at M&T Bank. I had already lost 20 pounds since October so I was feeling really accomplished. And I had started making plans to go back to school in the fall to major in music with an emphasis in vocals. Things were really looking up and for the first time in a while I noticed my stress going down and finding I was generally happy.

But all good things must come to an end, I suppose...this one just happened to be sooner than later.
The month of May came along and just into the first week I happened to run my hand along my neck to find that one side had this lump that I never felt before. What was scary was I couldn't really tell how long it had been there. So I made an appointment with the doctor and she checked it out but couldn't tell what it was without imaging. I didn't want to jump to conclusions as there were so many different causes for a mass...a cyst, and inflamed lymph node, an infection...etc. So I went to an ultrasound only to be told what I already knew...I have a mass in my neck. Thank you Captain Obvious....I thought "what a waste of my time"...

Then the doctor scheduled me for my first MRI and oh my god I never want to do that again. They hooked me to an IV with this fluorescent stuff to make problems show up on the image. All the while I'm in this tube like machine with obnoxiously loud noises for approximately 40 minutes trying so hard to remain still (which is really difficult to do if you have eczema by the way). Horrid experience, truly.

A few days passed by and I thought "well I haven't heard anything yet so all must be ok"...until May 19th rolled in. It was just a usual work day at the Gaithersburg bank branch I was assigned to. I was happy because it was such a lovely day and I felt good. 11:00 struck when my doctor called my cell phone. I ran to the break room to answer...I wouldn't be coming out the happy woman that I was. Instead the moment she said the word Lymphoma I just broke down.

I knew it was one of the possibilities but I just never thought it could really happen to me. 22 years old and with cancer. I immediately called my mom afterwards to let her know I was coming home and why. I couldn't think or say anything otherwise but cry. So with the bank manager's willing permission, I left there trying to hold it all in as I drove home...only to fall to pieces in my mother's arms on the front porch.

Now there are still a lot of unanswered questions that couldn't be answered through the MRI...what type of Lymphoma, what stage, are there any other parts of my body affected...etc. Right now I'm scheduled for a CT scan of my chest and abdomen tomorrow and then my first meeting with an oncologist to set up a biopsy of my neck to figure all this out. Eventually further down the line, I'll have to get chemo and possibly radiation (just depends on the results). I'm not gonna lie I'm scared...but I know I can do this. I'm a fighter. I'm a survivor. And I have so much support from my friends and family that I would like to take this moment to thank you all so much.

So let's make the best of this horrid moment and make this a journey. It will have obstacles and mountains to climb. But I won't be alone. Let's do this! Cancer...you've been warned. I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT!!!!!!

Until my next post...which should contain pictures and possibly mini vlogs.

"You got to hold on, hold on, You gotta hold on. Take my hand, standing right here, you gotta hold on." -Tom Waits